During the last month of my Race in May 2018 I was talking with one of my squad mentors about who to keep in touch with once coming home. He took this opportunity to acquaint me with my “table” analogy.
Each person has his/her own table, and at your table there are only so many seats. Those seats are offered to each person sitting there, to the people most important to you. You invited the people to sit there, but they chose to sit down with you. And so it is representing your closest friendship/interrealtional bonds.
My heart’s table initially had an endless amount of seats, one for every person I’ve ever met and will ever meet. In my deepest heart, I want to extend everyone an invitation to share and commune with. And so I’ve done for as long as I can remember!!
But in reality, I only have so much time, resources, energy, and presence. There truly isn’t enough of me to go around. And coming into agreement with this has been very very devastating, honestly.
In the book Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk the last three chapters cover boundaries and why they are necessary for healthy relationships with all people. He uses Jesus’s example of circles of intimate relationships to demonstrate the healthiest way to Life.
Jesus was first and foremost dedicated to His time with the Father and says all He says and does is that which the Father asks of Him. The Father is His innermost circle, the most prioritized person, if you will, in His life. And the Father is to be ours as well. Now I’ll work backwards, from outside in. Jesus had the 12 disciples in close relation with Him. Then it sets aside James, John and Peter as His 3 closest of the 12. Out of the 3, John is alluded to be His closest and best friend. And then we’re back to the Father still being His absolute relational priority!! Now moving back outward again, after the disciples Jesus had family and the people of all His ministry sites that He also devoted time, though not as much, to!!
Like Jesus, we are called to have relationship with our Father as our utmost prioritized relationship. Then we all should have one best friend (a spouse for most of us) and then a few really really dependable and valuable friends and then a small circle of valuable but not as intimate friends. And expanding outward into all our ministry opportunities within communities all over the world!!!
Now boundaries are what keeps each person in his or her respectable circle. If you keep spending more of your money, time, and talent on/with people in your outer circles more than those you’ve decided are in your innermost circles, you’ve effectively dishonored the relationship you call the most important and your actions no longer meet your words. Harsh, I know.
But at the end of the day, you Have to prioritize your time and all else in order of what’s most valuable to you. Anything less will be life-draining and unhealthy for you and those around you.
Now, back to my table, I am not omnipresent nor immortal, for the time being, and therefore I’ve had to take responsibility for my time and actions by clearly defining whose relationships are most valuable to me and begin living as so. This has been hard, because I hate to feel rejection and I don’t want to make others feel that way. But with God’s grace and loving kindess I’ve begun the process of establishing boundaries for all my relationships in order to, in the end, actually give more to everyone.
It’s truly painful, every time I say no to someone, but in doing so I’m capable of saying a bigger and better yes to those who matter most to me.
My prayers are with you all, wherever you are in this process. May God bless your efforts to establish healthier connections as is His nature! 🙂
A visual!!
